Tarot Series~Minor Arcana: Four of Swords

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When pulled upright it is saying that it is time for your to retreat. The three of swords was a very intense card talking about a lot of grief and suffering. This four of swords is telling you to step back from these issues and rest. You may be withdrawing consciously or maybe you just have no choice from sheer exhaustion. You are still surrounded by reminders of your grief but in order to be able to return your everyday life you need to take some time to recoup and rest. There is always that slight chance that there is more loss to experience and you should rest now while you have the chance. It would be really beneficial if you went somewhere private, be it the cottage, a little trip somewhere warm, or maybe the beach and regain your strength and clarity. It is time to go over your priorities and make sure you’re approaching everything the way you want to be/should be. This card is about getting ready new challenges. You are experiencing crisis after crisis and it is wiping you out. You will only be able to face the next challenge after you’ve recouped some. 

When pulled in reverse this card is about feeling restless. Your heart is ready to relax but your brain is not. You are feeling that there is a lot depending on you. Continuing on this path that you’re on is not a good idea and could affect your health. You can keep fighting but you can only endure so much. You have to know your own strength and know when to back out. Letting yourself rest and refresh can be a very important measure of self-love. You can try to push ahead anyway but it will only make things difficult for you long term. 

Here is a tarot spread to help you relax and rest. First I would take out the four of swords and meditate with it thinking about all the conflict that’s been going on and how tired you are. Then shuffle and pull the cards using your preferred method.

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That’s all for this week. I hope you enjoyed! Let me know what the four of swords has been telling your lately, along with any other thoughts or questions you may have. Make sure you follow me here and on twitter so you get notifications when I post and when I upload videos to youtube. Until next time, Blessed Be!

Grieving as a Wiccan

Lately I’ve been grieving a lot. This last month or two has been pretty hard. So today I want to talk to you about that. I’ve wanted to talk about it for a while but I wasn’t sure how to format it. So I’m just deciding to write. It may be super long or super short but I think writing this will get it off my chest. My writing style may be a bit different than it usually is, it may not be… I dunno. Regardless I hope you don’t mind.

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The Thursday before the Easter weekend I was contacted by my family, while at work, that my great grandmother wasn’t doing very well. She’s hasn’t been super healthy for a couple years now but nothing crazy. However this time was different. My mom usually tells me that it isn’t anything to worry about yet, but this time she said I might want to come home and see her. So there I was in front of my preschoolers that I teach and I just cried. I told them what was wrong and let me tell you, 4 year olds are so compassionate and loving. They loved me and snuggled me all day long. It was so beautiful. I went to see her that weekend. I live about 3 hours away from my family. My partner and little sister went in with me to see her. She had a hard time talking cause her breathing was very laboured but we had a great visit. That’s the last time I will see my great grandmother. She’s still alive though. When I went to see her she was at her home. Now she is in a hospital and has been for a couple weeks now. My mom says she isn’t the same nan we know and love and that she wouldn’t want me to see her this way. She’s in a lot of pain and is just waiting to die. Every morning I wake up and check my phone to see if I have a message telling me she’s passed. I hope she does soon so she can be at peace. She really hates hospitals. So this is when my grieving started.

Back in March one of the little girls at my preschool (we’ll call her Mabel for privacy sake) went to Florida with her family for a trip. The second day in she got very sick and started having seizures. She had to be put in the hospital. She had what they call F.I.R.E.S. I am not super knowledgeable on what it is. All I know is it’s rare, it started as a common cold, and she had seizures, also 30% of those who get it die from it. However I didn’t know that at the time. It never occurred to me that she would die. Maybe that is naive but that’s how I felt. For two months I had very few updates other than a gofundme page and occasionally something would get written on her classroom attendance sheet about it. Then I came in to work last Friday (the 10th) and was told she didn’t make it. Mabel was 4 years old. I know a dead 4 year old. I was nervous for my kids to find out. I didn’t want them to be sad or scared they were going to die. But when you’re 4 years old 2 months is a long time and a lot of them didn’t remember Mabel very well. I was lucky in that sense so instead of being sad they just had a lot of questions which was a lot easier to deal with. This last Thursday (the 16th) I went to Mabel’s funeral. I wore a pink dress (everyone was in bright pinks and purples as requested by Mabel’s family). It was one of the saddest things I have ever experienced.

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I’m telling you all of this for a couple reasons. One reason is that talking about this I hope will be a little therapeutic for me. I also wanted everyone to understand why my posting has been so inconsistent these last few weeks (also why it may continue to be inconsistent when my nan passes). But also I wanted to share how I am coping as a Wiccan (or if I’m not already doing these things they are things I want to start doing to cope).

What is helping me cope with Nan is first and foremost I know that her passing is going to bring her peace. But also I know that her soul will reincarnate and I will meet it again whether in this life or the next. I’m really trying to focus on the fact that she lived such a great and beautiful life and not on the fact that she’ll be gone.

What is helping me the most when it comes to coping about Mabel is also related to reincarnation but it is a bit different. If you’ve read my post about the signs you are an earth angel you will know that many of these people die as a child. When I think about Mabel, and the beautiful energy her soul had, I confidently feel she had the soul of an angel. Without a doubt. So despite the fact that I don’t totally understand how she died, I can understand why she died and that to me brings great peace.

However other than thinking about these things I have not done much to cope but have just not been thinking about it and it’s probably not the most healthy method of healing. Things that I want to start incorporating into my coping process that you can try too is reiki (be it self reiki or receiving reiki from someone else). I also want to pray more. As I’ve mentioned in my post about my relationship with praying , I tend to stray away from it because it reminds me of Christianity. I think grieving may be a great way for me to change that relationship with prayer because at the end of the day you can pray to whoever or whatever you want, not just the Christian god. So I’d like to reach out to Gaia and Pan more for strength and you can do the same with whoever you matron or patron is. I think meditating and grounding myself will also help me stabilize my emotions. And the last thing I want to suggest for myself and for you is divination. Do spreads to help sort through your emotions. Do spreads for how to cope. Do spreads to talk to those that have passed on if you think that will give you closure. Do a spread to see how your future will be after you’ve moved forward from this hard time.

I hope that this post gives you some ideas on how to cope with what you’re struggling with and also lets you know that even if it feels like you’re all alone and no one understands that there are people who get it (yikes that was cheesy but bear with me). Let me know down below how you use your Wiccan/Pagan faith to get you through times of grief along with any other thoughts or questions you have. Make sure you follow me here and on twitter so you get notifications when I post and when I upload videos to youtube. And until next time, Blessed Be!

 

Mental Illness Ritual Bath

Hi everyone. Today I wanted to talk about something that affects me. I want to talk about mental illness. However I want to make some disclaimers before I start. Firstly I want to talk about what I am referring to when I say I am affected by mental illness. When it comes to physical sickness there are certain things you go to the hospital for and some things your don’t. A regular cold or a little flu are not hospital worthy. Despite that though you are still sick. When I think of how mental illness affects me I think of it as I have the cold (and occasionally flu) equivalent of mental illness. Do I need meds and a therapist for it? No. Do I still feel unwell? Yes. So I just wanted to put that out there before anyone questions me on just how severe my mental illness is or whatever. My second disclaimer is this: Nothing I say in this post is going to cure your mental illness. May it help you cope? sure. Could it potentially alleviate some symptoms or at least make them slightly more bearable? Maybe, but no promises. Everyone’s journey is different. And I just hope that maybe you can get something out of this.

When it comes to me I always (especially in the mornings) have a higher than average anxiety level, for no good reason at all. And every once in a while I’ll experience symptoms of depression. Usually I’ll be very irritable and very low energy. Last week and the week before I was experiencing this. And by the end of last week I decided enough was enough and that I was going to try and do something to get out of this funk. So I made a ritual self love/happiness bath. I would like to share it with you. I feel that this is a mix of both a spell and a ritual so I will leave this in both of those sections in our BoS.

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Ingredients:

  • Epsom salt
  • Lavender
  • Rose quartz
  • Green Kyanite
  • Green Obsidian
  • Amythest
  • Some seashells
  • Yellow Candle
  • Incense (I used one that’s for the heart chakra)

 

Steps to making the ritual bath:

  1. Sage your crystals and yourself
  2. In some sort of container (I used my big cauldron) mix together the lavender, the epsom salt, the crystals, and the shells while thinking about the intention of your bath
  3. With the bathroom lights off start running your bath and add the ingredients to the water
  4. Have your candle and incense on the bathtub ledge or nearby.
  5. Once in the tub light the candle and the incense
  6. Call upon whoever you wish and ask them to help you find the joy you’ve been lacking and to give you the strength to get through the rough time you’re experiencing. I called upon Gaia and Aphrodite.
  7. Enjoy your bath, you could meditate, do a face mask, watch your favourite show, read a book, whatever brings you joy.
  8. Thank whoever you called upon when you are done.

If you desire to have a sacred circle feel free, you can also make the water sacred by adding rosemary. I don’t always feel the need to do sacred circles especially when I am doing impromptu rituals/spells (like I was in this situation). Please feel free to share your journey with us, or any spells/rituals that you do to aid in your mental health down below, along with any other thoughts or questions you may have. Make sure you follow me here and on twitter so you get notifications when I post and when I upload videos to youtube. Until next time, Blessed Be!